She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
