thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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