I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Less talking, more tequila
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
