Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
