My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
