I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I believe in your delicious
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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