so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
