I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
MIDGETS
????
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
