i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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