I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
