Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
