he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
