So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
