i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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