Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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