2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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