Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
