chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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