as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
