I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
