Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
