I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no you cant smoke seaweed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize