Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cut my penus on the lid.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it glows. i had to have it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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