yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize