i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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