bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
