he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
