Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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