i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
