Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dicks are not precious.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
