...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize