I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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