I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
