It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
