If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
