so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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