So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize