That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
