The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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