That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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