im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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