Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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