I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
