if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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