I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
