The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
