I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
