well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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