don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
