I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
