eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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