You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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