A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
