Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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