I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
