why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Less talking, more tequila
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
