White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
