Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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