the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Panties = found
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
