I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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