I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize