weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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