There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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