My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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