i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
