No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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