While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
