Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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