god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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