I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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