At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
