I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
