On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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