dude i'm inner monologue high
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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