Come see our sink grown plant.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
