Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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