I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
