shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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