woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
