I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
