I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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