Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
