I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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