do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
