he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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