Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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