My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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