I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
