Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
