I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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