I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Shame is for Republicans.
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