are you so shy because you have an std?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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