summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
