My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
